More solidified decisions

Small update for writing:

Since I’m tired of telling myself (and everyone else), I’mma write a book, I’m going to stop trying to figure out what I’m going to do for the 13th story for the self-pub collection.

12 stories is good enough and I’m ok with this.

12 stories sounds good to me.

I’ve decided what the title of the book is going to be (going back to a throwaway joke I made to Jamie.)

And now I’ve got to bug Jamie to do some cover sketches for me.

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Putting energy elsewhere

The day before yesterday was pretty awful and brought some realization that I needed reminding of. But, I’d prefer to not talk about it. Honestly, I’d prefer to forget it and just continue getting away from everything that happened then.

After the day before yesterday, I went: Fuck this, fuck them, fuck this fucking bullshit, if they don’t appreciate it then to fuck with them. I know I’m better than that fucking bullshit so fuck them if they want to do this and I’ll put my fucking energy elsewhere because fuck this bullshit.

Yesterday’s attitude had that in the background and it helped a lot.

So, I’m going to put my energy into what  want to have done. I’m going to get this book finished, I’m going to work on this novella and finish it, I’m going to get this knit blanket finished (I hit the halfway point the other day and now I’m like 20 rows into the second half! I am excite). I’m going to make those blankets I want to make. I’m going to make those fursuits I want to make. I’m going to make those costumes I want to make. I’m going to work on those stories that keep bouncing around in my head.

I am going to put my energy into my writing and my art and fuck them.

I told Jamie about my thoughts and he’s all about it and I have found that I feel much better so I’m going to try to keep this attitude up for a bit. Because I know I’m better than this and I don’t need any outside bullshit fucking with my already borked brain. It does a good enough job as it is fucking with me, I so do not need others adding onto it.

Deadline fail

I failed my self-imposed deadline and I am ok with this. Why? Because I work retail and I’m an idiot for thinking I’ll be getting all of this stuff done by the end of November.

Will I be setting a new deadline for myself for “end of the year”? No, no I will not.

But why?

Because I am exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted. I work retail (in the reject department because we are constantly getting the shit-end of things), this is a huge season for everyone who works retail, and the running back and forth is causing more joint pain (the explosive anger that I’ve worked hard to tap down and not do has been rearing up more and more often).

And Faustus died. My basement buddy for laundry, Jamie’s gaming buddy, my big-headed snuggle monster died unexpectedly on Friday and we’re taking it hard. Jamie’s torn up about it and Snooch is super confused and I’m constantly expecting Faust to be sitting on the dryer making his “meh” noises at me.

Everything’s kind of…exhausting in general. By the time we get a day off, we’re having to do housework that we’d ignored throughout the week. It’s a never ending cycle.

On a lighter note::

+ December 1st started my light trolling of people who are on my fb list with random Christmas songs.

Hey, if I have to listen to the same Mariah Carey song 15 times a day, then they get to deal with a random youtube video of various songs.

December 1st started us with the classic “I’m Dreaming of a Dead City” by HPLHS.

+ I decided to finally take a deep breath and see if I could actually thread my sewing machine (yeah, the sewing machine Jamie bought me years ago that I threatened to break every time I went to try to thread the damn thing. It’s one of the fancier ones that has like 50 different stitch options including like 6 button hole options) and I was able to successfully do it. Go me.

Then I realized that it didn’t have the power cord with it and remembered that we might’ve thrown it away because we were going through various cords not too long ago to see what goes where and found a cord we couldn’t remember where it went. Well, the cord didn’t get thrown away and it works.

It turns on! It has a light!

self-imposed deadline

I feel a bit like an idiot, giving myself “til the end of November” as my self-imposed deadline knowing full damn good and well I work retail and still have no concept of time (time is wibbly). And, on top of that, coming to the re-realization (again) that excess stress makes my crazy worse because the hallucinations have been “BUGS!” and “why hello there creepy fucking voice talking at my back.”

And, well, basically, we have this week to finish prepping for people who don’t understand the concept of not waiting until the last minute to get their godsdamned turkey-n-trimmin’s (along with…coworkers who won’t do their damn job). Then there’s the weekend of “I think X-place has a home game” and the amount of people that come with that, and then we have the following week which is just…the beginning of really stressed out, exhausted, angry people and I’m just glad I work in a hole and I can hide in my department and they’ve officially taken away my register numbers so they can’t use me for this season.

And my dumb ass thinks it’s a good idea to at least try to finish this book idea this month? What the hell is wrong with me?

But, I’m attempting to work on creating a last story. I’ve gotten about two pages written of one idea and about another page written for another idea (woo, go me). I’ve also got my Halloween-based idea laying around here somewhere and a mostly-finished or completed Easter-based story laying around here somewhere (probably in a notebook under the desk).

If I don’t get to my “I want this typed up all together, edited, and at least preliminary sketches for the cover done by the end of the month,” I’ll see how close I can actually get and count it as a victory. I’ve been saying I’ve wanted to do this for years and now I’m actually doing it, so there. Small victory getting it started and continuing to work on it.

Beyond writing:

I’ve gotten a handful of more rows added to the blanket and the ball of yarn has practically halved in size. I need to find a better way to have the finished part tied up while I work on adding rows because the hair tie I’m using is not cutting it.

Jamie’s still determined to get, or make, a fursuit by next Halloween, so hopefully we’ll be able to hit up a place so I can buy tape to start working on making a mannequin to start the build process.

word vomit

I’m just going to blather on about various things.

Writing

Have I written anything? No.
Have I worked on edits? No.
Have I thought of a title for the book? Maybe?
Have I looked up to see if a word is copyrighted? Yes, so this means that one of  my stories is going to have  a different title in the book (but not on here)
Am I going to write today? Maybe? Possibly?

Yarncraft

I am currently working on version 2.0 of a blanket I had intended to make years ago. Isn’t that how it goes? You buy all the supplies you think you need with all the intention of “as soon as I finish this project this will be my next thing” and you realize it’s been like…2 or more years and you’re staring at it going: I could make this better a different way.

Yeah, that’s how this is going.

The parts to Blanket1.0 was already made and just needed to be stitched together, which I never got around to doing (because I kind of forgot about it) and then I realized: I have the S loom now and it should, in theory, be easier to make a small blanket with it. So, I pulled apart one of the panels, re-rolled it, and started remaking it.

Currently, Blanket2.0 is measuring 65″ wide and 20″ long and I have run out of the yarn from the first panels (3 panels, each 1 skein. so I’m down 1 skein of yarn now and now I’ll have to pull apart panel 2, re-roll it, and continue working on the piece) I’m hoping that, by the time I’m done, it’ll have made a nice little lapblanket or so.

Home

Jamie decided to rearrange the bedroom last night, saying that moving the furniture wasn’t a problem (yet I found the computer mouse in the nightstand), but moving all of our decorations was a pain in the ass, he gave up, and I could work on it today.

Well, the decorations are mostly all back up and my fingers hurt from putting tacks back in the wall (hey, it’s our house, we can deal with it later), and I spent roughly two hours looking for the mouse so I could cut on the computer so I could cut something on to listen to while the Trex were charging. The mouse was in the nightstand.

The bedroom looks better and I still have some stuff around the house that needs to be done (laundry mainly) and the dogs won’t go outside because it’s raining except for Cricket and I do not want to chase her fluffy butt around the backyard trying to get her back in, so pitbulls win this round and everyone’s staying inside

Jamie surprised me and bought me a Giant Sloth! This thing is taller than both of us, as well as a coworker who swears he’s 6ft tall, so I’m guessing it’s approximately 75″ long. It’s massive and I joked to Jamie that he bought me a fursuit and he shot back “Nope, it’s a mannequin.” good point.

I spent a little while last night, while trying to go to sleep, trying to think of the best way to use it as a base for making a me-size mannequin. I can easily put an old shirt on it for torso/arms, but I’d probably have to find a pair of shrunk pj pants that I don’t wear. And then it’d be all “how would I wrap it, what would I wrap it with, what can I use to make sure I don’t actually cut the toy” and then spent a few minutes thinking on the way I could use its head as a base for a fursuit head.

Jamie wants a fursuit by next Halloween. I think we could do it.

Work

We’re in the holiday season and corporate is sending us loads of extra stuff. We haven’t even really begun getting the Black Friday stuff yet, and our stockroom looks…fucking awful. I was expecting at least a few more days before the labyrinth of pallets/stock was needed to pass before getting to the breakroom, but that shit started over the weekend.

I also got super aggrevated at everyone last night to the point where I looked at Weeaboo (coworker) and went “It’s the holiday season, y’all can survive or y’all can’t. I am fucking done with this.” and went back to finishing someone else’s job because it needed to be done and the store manager was still roaming the store and I didn’t want to get chewed out for someone else not finishing their work.

At one point, The Queen (one of the managers) just stopped talking to me because she saw the look on my face of “are you fucking kidding me, fine I’ll do it myself.” And Ajax got to listen to me bitch about various things while he was re-stocking the freezer.

I was talking to Jamie about it, after I’d clocked out and had spent my time hiding in the back (finishing the morning shift’s work) and calming myself down, and we both came to a horrible realization:

There’s only two people that work his department that worked Black Friday/Thanksgiving last year (him and another guy). Coworker Derp (I told him his nickname and he laughed, he said it was perfect because, as he says he’s “a total derp.”) was in my department last year so he has no idea what he’s in store for.

I am the only person who works past 6pm in my department that has worked Black Friday/Thanksgiving. Granted, I was a cashier last year so I didn’t get to experience the department on those days, but I was there leading up to it and I am one of the…3? 4? people who know how to make trays and I was right in there with the others making trays for people.

None of the closers have ever worked this season before in this department. I am the only one (which is probably why I got scheduled as a closer for the department this year). I am fucked. Especially because Weeaboo will straight up lie to customers, New Person has been here for like a week (and it’s their first job ever), Timid still refuses to answer the phone, and the only person who’s even asked questions about trays has been New Person and they haven’t even seen how to do any of them. Wait, let me correct that, Cheese will help set up for trays because he’s a nice guy, but even he’s getting tired of the bullshit that is our department.

For non-retail folk, this seems like a huge waste of time/energy to be worrying about it now. But, for retail-people, dude…that shit’s in like 2 weeks.

And now I need to stop complaining about work because it’s just irritating me all over again. But, I also do need to see what the dogs are barking at.

Oh! speaking of:

I got a photo text the other day from Jamie as he was coming home. It’s a photo of Hobbes, standing on top of his crate, staring out of the dog room window like a creeper. I’m just glad Hobbes didn’t decided to jump through the screen because the window was open (hey, it was a nice day that day)

Rolling along

It’s November 2nd, and I’ve gotten all 12 stories that I’ve printed out edited (well, first round of edits) and, well, all I need to do is figure out what I’m going to do for the last story.

I went looking for a handful of stories I was pretty sure I’d completed, or mostly finished, and found that they…don’t exist? Got lost in the ether?

I know that one of the stories got eaten when the external hard drive crashed and I could’ve swore I had notes for it somewhere but I can’t find them. I remember it, in a way, and I’d like to re-write it at some point. One story I had mostly-complete is still missing (no idea what happened to the notebook. it probably got peed on by a foster dog at some point or something) and I’m a bit irked by that one because I don’t really remember much about it besides it being a fun idea to work on.

I like to think I’m doing fairly well, especially since it’s November and November is hell for retail (which is probably why I’m trying to get most of it done now).

But hey, one more story, then I get to type everything up into one document, and format it (etc etc), somehow manage to con Jamie into sketching out a cover for me (or sketch out something myself), figure out a title, and be…mostly finished. We can do this.

nanosomething

Happy Samhain!

I’ve cracked up a few older people with my day of the dead makeup, was told by a manager at Store that I’m “creepy,” and have had someone yell “I like your face!” which caused me to stop for a moment because I forgot I had the makeup on. We stopped by work to pick up a couple of things, not many people had dressed up. But, I did see where one of our coworkers from another department had been walking by and I went “Hey look, it’s a wild furry!”

He was wearing a tail and one of those super fox hats. He stopped walking, turned, and glared at me.

Dude, if you didn’t want to be called out, you shouldn’t have worn the tail.

Anyway.

Jamie brought up NaNoWriMo (national novel writing month) and asked if I’d do it this year because he was thinking about doing it (“y’know, to build the writing habit.”).

I’d pointed out, “Nah, more like national finish this fucking book month.” He nodded and said it’d be a good idea to do.

So there, I have my self-imposed deadline beside “just finish this fucking idea before the end of the year.” End of the month, end of November. Finish edits; find, work on/finish, or write a new story to keep up with the idea of 13 stories; get everything formatted, get Jamie to sketch out a cover (or I give up and sketch out an idea myself because fuck it, who wouldn’t love to see my comic characters on the cover)

It’s a good idea.