tired

So:

Got 3 loads of dog laundry done (yay!), so this means I’m almost done. Threw a load of human laundry in the washer so I can start it tomorrow. Dogs and cats have been fed and taken care of. Dog room has been cleaned; craft room has been swept, mopped, etc. Found a dog obedience graduation paper, a new skein of yarn, and a toy covered in pee. sigh. The cat boxes are clean, shower has been taken.

I feel like I haven’t done much of anything, but the house looks better than it has in a few days, and Jamie was able to cook a few things for dinner and work. I still have bouts of dizziness, but I’m feeling better than I have in over a week.

I had to throw away my lunch box, so we’ll have to look for a new one. I’m not worried about it. I’ll get a new one eventually (just like I’ll get a new pair of shoes eventually, we’ll get the fence fixed eventually, etc)

I opened up a Word document, intending to peck away at it or edit it a little bit. I wound up doing paragraph indents because Word made everything look like a 19-page paragraph.

I don’t know if I’m going to just post it up somewhere and share the link, get someone to read over it and help me find where it sounds wonky, or try to submit it somewhere. Everywhere I’ve been looking into submissions has a limit of 7500 words, but this is 7765.

So, it’s a short novelette. And I have no idea what to do with it.

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to-do is a sad case of ta-dah

Sitting down to take a “small” break and charge my phone, so I can continue cleaning and singing loudly and off-key. I realized earlier this morning that I think I know why I sing the way I do–it’s because I grew up listening to Aerosmith and the like and being encouraged to sing along in the car. Oh well. I’m not going to win any awards and I sing for my own sheer amusement (and to weird out the dogs).

So, I’ve got a few things to do today…

  • clean kitchen
    • mop
    • dishes
    • figure out what Jamie wants to cook
  • mop hallway (cuz rain makes muddy paws and there’s mud all over the floor)
  • sweep/mop livingroom (again)
  • clean dog room (again)
    • I swear, I did the living room and the dog room 2 days ago
  • dog laundry
    • thankfully it’s not as much as it was last week
  • human laundry
    • work stuff
    • blankets
    • towels. so many towels
  • desk
    • clean off and around the desk
    • I can kind of see the surface!
    • put the yellow and purple yarn up
  • clean backpack
    • tossed lunch box (apparently an apple exploded in there)
    • re-arrange backpack
  • pick up trash
    • this is an ongoing issue with cats and dogs who like to knock over trash bins
    • take things to outside trash and recycle bins
  • shower
    • (yes, I have to remind myself to shower)
    • wash hair (I do this once a week because my scalp hates me, but it does better with a once-a-week cleaning. and I got a new shampoo to try!)
  • bathe dogs
    • bathe Bug, specifically.
    • Firefly needs her medicated bath, the Frito smell is more pungent than normal
  • Clean craft room
    • cat boxes
    • sweep, mop
    • toss anything that Carrot has destroyed
      • he may be a little shit for the most part, but he’s helping my hoarding tendencies.
      • little bastard broke my Princess House dolphin. that thing survived 20+ years! With me! only to be broken by a little shit of a cat

I’d add

  • pull grasses from around rose vine
    • because they’re dead and I’m seeing growth on my rose vine
    • and I love my poor rose vine
  • make notes for flower beds in front of house to fix, clean up, de-grass, mulch, etc
  • cut grass/elderberry from between fences (our fence and our property line fence that’s like 1.5 ft tall)

But, it’s raining. Again. And I was hoping to have decent enough weather to go out and work on it. Especially where the elderberry and unknown-vine stuff is because after a while wall crabs start to inhabit the area and I can’t get back there. Jamie can’t go back there because of the poison ivy (we kill it, it comes back. our neighbor kills it, it comes back. I think it’s because our neighbors across the street encourage it to grow around their front porch). And yeah. Neuroses, phobia, and allergies are a killer combination when trying to do yard upkeep.

And, it feels like no matter what I’m doing, I’m never going to finish. The dogs and cats are put up so I can go up and down the basement steps without having to worry about someone going through the messed up window (which we can’t fully repair until it gets warm enough for me to clean the dead leaves out of the sill and to epoxy up so we can hammer a wooden board across because I don’t know how to seamlessly board it up). Dog laundry is being ran, dishes are being found and put on the counter so they can be washed (including my stash of utensils from my backpack due to the exploded apple). The living room needs a basic sweep/mop, but I’ll do that when the kitchen is swept/mopped. Human laundry has been thrown into a tote to be taken downstairs, my desk looks better (almost as though Jamie’s cleaned it! haha), and I’m sure I’ll find socks or dishes in various parts of the house that need to be cleaned.

The cats have been fed, the dogs will be fed soon. Dogs will probably be bathed on a day when Jamie and I are off at the same time (or I have enough clean towels)

And, my phone is back to 100%, so this means I can continue the dorkiness of singing loudly off-key and cleaning

Trying to find ambition

Apparently I have to search through all this feel-good, self help, mumbo-jumbo in order to find, hunt, catch, and attain/keep ambition. I lack ambition. I have this feeling that ambition is a small creature who is currently hiding behind a bush, or under the bed.

I found this one list of “How to Build Ambition.” O.o let’s see what it says…

1. Make a list of goals you want to achieve in the next week, month and year

Now to find goals. Jamie and I are discussing different things. For instance: I want to write more, I want to work on my fiction–something that has been seriously lacking for a while. How will I do this? He mentioned: for the month of May, do 200 words a week. June, 300 words a week. The goal is by the end of 2013 to have a short story written, polished, and submitted to an anthology. Gotta start somewhere, right?

And: self employment. I really don’t want to wake up one day and realize that I am still slaving away for “The Man” after XX amount of years. Good goal is to figure out how I will be able to financially support myself, on my own (still paying taxes because gods know I don’t want to fall down that trap), and be self-sufficient monetarily within 5 or so years.

2. Believe in yourself

snerk. This is some funny shit. I believe in myself. I have confidence. And, I can freely admit when my confidence goes in a negative way (i. e. “I am confident I will fuck this up.” or “I am confident ____ will happen.”)

In a nutshell: power of positive thinking, yo.

3. Choose a role model or someone you can look up to, someone who is highly ambitious.

Hmmm… let’s see:
Wil Wheaton
Jenny Lawson
Ursula Vernon
Neil Gaiman
Sir Pterry
William “Bill” Janney (seen happily through rose-tinted glasses)
Guillermo del Toro
Nathan Fillion

Should I add more?
There’s always someone to look up to. I’d rather continue looking up to people, being the student instead of the sage because there’s always something more to learn.
(this is where I stopped so I could copy some stuff down and post here because I’m a dork)

4. Focus on your success and accomplishments, even if you don’t achieve your goal the first time around.

Success: I have made a Slenderman! I am making another one. I have successfully made a Doctor Who scarf. Not once, but SIX Times! How awesome is that!
Little successes: I woke up, I have a job and went to that job today. Far as I know I am healthy, far as I know I’m alive. Good things.
Random accomplishments: I have tried a Cabernet sauvingion that was pretty darn tasty and discussed Malbec wine that I may try in a couple weeks.

5. Develop a mantra or saying to use when you start to feel your ambition slipping

I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can

Does that count? lol
What the hell kind of thing is this? So the best thing to do is to remind myself that I am a leaf on the wind and watch how I soar? Is it more like “Dude, I’ve only got ___random number___ of rows left before I’m done!” or reminding myself that “I can do this!” or “Almost done/Almost there”?
——
So, all in all: do what I’m doing but be more proactive about it?
(and now my formatting’s all weird. screw it, it’s late [for me], and I want snuggles gorrammit)