breaking bowls and eating spoons

I’m a bad pet-parent…err…dog parent. I am a bad dog owner. The dogs have been without something to play with besides each other while we’re away from the house the past couple days, so they’ve taken to a slew of naughty activities. Bowls have been pulled off the counter (some have broken, one or two have bounced), stealing tupperware containers and/or the lids, sneaking off with cooking spoons (plastic or wooden, they’re not picky), and the basic mayhem of ripping up the trash bag to get to the gooey insides.

And ripping a hole in the couch to play in the stuffing (found the culprit: it is Firefly).

I have learned, though, while sewing part of the couch back together: I’d make a terrible Igorina. My stitches are not that great any longer, but it has been like 4 years since I purposefully sewed anything.

Yesterday/last night, I found out that apparently I am really good at faking that everything is fine. I find the whole thing laughable (especially since I haven’t brushed my hair in days and just throw it up in a super messy bun. I don’t care, yet I fully regret the situation), but maybe it’s because the realization came from someone who doesn’t really know us beyond Facebook posts and the occasional seeing-about-town. My fb posts are shares from things (dogs, weird videos, comics, etc) interspersed with conversations, musings, woes at work. I am not going to lay my entire life out on fb for people to see. I don’t even like posting pictures of myself or our house. The only thing I can guess at is that maybe I make it seem like we have our shit together (ha. haha. ahahahaha. wow, the cockroaches from Spoilsbury Toast Boy just went through my head)

Beyond that:

I spent the morning listening to KUEC with the idea that I would work on some writing while it plays. Yeah: open file, read over it, fix spelling here and there, delete a word, add a few words, stare at the file, at a sentence.

Yeah, even on fanfiction, I’m failing pretty hard at my mental reminder: Come on. Terry Pratchett wrote 200 words every day. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Honestly, I haven’t even opened up my regular fiction files to poke around them. No, I’m getting all pissy at myself because I can’t figure out the next spot of a Clint/Coulson fic, but Tony’s decided large-caliber confetti guns should be involved.

Work is slowly imploding on itself and the want to just say fuck this, I’m out grows every day. One person is super irritated and has changed their schedule to avoid someone else. Two people are leaving at some point, and one of my minions is really sad that I “didn’t get to experience how awesome it was” before one of the managers started.

I bough a little puzzle that says “You Are Dino Mite!” because it’s hilarious and Jamie’s boss found a Peeps suncatcher kit that she had to buy me. I think I’ll paint the suncatcher kit.

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going on reluctance

I was PMing a friend of mine (over facebook) about various things and asked her opinion on whether or not I should post the fanfic that was inspired by a writing prompt I found on tumblr. She pointed out that the angelfire site I had to post fics on still exists and that I should dooo eeeet and post the story. This caused me to look up my old FFN handle and I found that I hadn’t posted anything since 2003.

That’s 14 years. That’s time enough for a new wave of fandom people to start writing fanfiction and I am wary of posting this. I sighed, and accepted a kind of defeat, and posted the story to tumblr.

So, instead of working on another fic idea, which is somewhere buried in the recesses of my backpack currently, I have added 400 words to a short story I’m working on. I’ve done the big reveal of the character and now I really hate it and I hate how I’ve come to reveal the old man. It’s trying to pull away from the weird/occult type feel I was hoping for, but I’m still on the first draft so who knows where it’ll end up by the time I’m done.

I need a break

I need a short break from writing (to write more! ha). I’ve spent the past two and a half hours working on an idea and I am trying so hard to not read over it because it is shit. I can hear it in my head as I write it, in fact, I can hear David Cummings reading it in my head which is kind of what I’m going for–not a story for NoSleep, but where parts are being read.

Does that make sense? Probably not. (yay terrible vague posting)

I’ve had to look up how long it takes someone to read aloud a paragraph or whatever and have had to plan parts of what I’ve got so far accordingly. Chances are, I’m going to have to throw it out, print what I’ve got, and read it out loud to myself to figure out how long it’ll take.

I have ran across lectures from Manly P. Hall, a Canadian mystic from the early-to-mid 20th century. It’s been fascinating listening to the lectures, until Jamie points out that it sounds like the guy is going to keel over at any moment, and then I can’t take what the guy says seriously for a few minutes.

So.

I realized the other day that the days I asked off so we could head up to see NoSleep Live are probably still “pending” in the system at work. I have the feeling that my boss is either going to deny the request (that I’ve had in the system since November) or continue to leave them as pending. Paranoia tells me that I am going to get fired over this, despite telling the boss that we will be out of the state for this (because there is no way in hell that we’re going to NoVA to see NoSleep. Out of state is easier, simpler, and a lot less hassle)

My sense of DOOOOOOOOOM is still pretty high. While I’m fairly sure that I am not training my replacement (because Cricket is easier to train than this person), it still doesn’t help that the underlying threat of being fired over something stupid is still there. I’m actively looking for new employment (and new comic/story fodder. ha) and ended up signing up for some job services website under the guise of Call Center Employment. If I weren’t so stressed and so blah about everything, I’d be a little perturbed by the whole thing.

I’m at a point where I’m like “I don’t care. I just don’t want to be here any longer.” because my stress is at an all-time high, my chest hurts (because of the stress), I have a stress-induced migraine, and I’ve been pulling more strands of hair out than normal.

ideas taster

After I finished up the fanfic I’d been working on through some lunch breaks the past few days, I decided to go through the notebooks I had brought to work with me and see what I could work on.

A list of 39 story bases/ideas/titles in the front of one notebook, bits of conversation here and there, bits of (terrible) world building interspersed with notes to myself on who I need to call/email or what we need to get from the store. One notebook has various sketch ideas for the comic that I’ll get back to eventually mixed in with notes on Spontaneous Human Combustion and how [Historical Figure] was a neurotic, conniving bastard.

I found an outline, a completed outline, for a story that I had completely forgotten about.

Granted, I know I’m a huge procrastinator, but holy cow. I had no idea I had that many different little ideas in just two or three notebooks.

I’m a little wary of going through the notebooks in the craft room. I know that somewhere on that shelf is a notebook with the beginnings of a story idea that I lost for a while.

Anywho.

I have finished the second draft of the fanfic and…I don’t know if I should post it up (be it here or tumblr). It’s 1955 words, which isn’t too bad.

It’s just kinda weird. I used to write fanfiction all the time and had no problem posting little one-shots and going off to do something else. Now, I’ve got no problem posting various short stories that I’ve written and I’m like super wary of posting the fanfic that I have finished.

Just tired

I’m tired, I’m stressed, and…I really hate my job.

But.

On the plus side is, I’ve gotten some fun ideas for comics and stories.

I started following a writing prompt tumblr account and ended up using one of the prompts for a fanfic idea–something I haven’t done in a few years. I decided to work on the idea while on my lunch breaks at work, so it’s in a notebook. I’m going through the normal “this is stupid” mental berration, and read over it and found that hey, it’s not that bad.

They had another prompt that caused me to think of Discworld. It’s been fascinating, and something to look forward to during all this stress…that I’m trying so hard to not admit to myself. (blegh)

Not only do I have a couple fanfiction ideas (one that I’m working through right now, two that are floating in my head–Discworld and a Clint/Coulson), I’ve got a couple stories that I’m working on that doesn’t involve already-created worlds.

One story is an idea that is slowly working its way to novelette form. It’s kind of at a standstill because I forgot where I was going (whoops). One idea is at just over 1,000 words and not bad so far. I just…haven’t gotten back to it in like a week (yay for stress and work)

Overall, my hope is to update the blog more frequently (at least once a week). I had hoped that I would start updating my tumblr account more often, even if it’s a reblog, and I’ve been doing that (but how long am I going to keep that up? I don’t know), and I told myself that I needed to work on this.

I guess, if anything, I just need something to work on to keep my mind off of all the stuff that’s happening in real-life.