I used to be smart

I have spent the past hour looking up bits of history that I should already know.  I used to know all kinds of weird little tidbits about Bolsheviks, Leninism, Marxism, and the…sheer utter lunacy of Stalin’s reign of terror, including the name of the guy who portrayed him in all those fantastical films (Mikheil Gelovani).

I used to know these things. I used to get into arguments with history teachers over Leninism. I remember that part, but fuck if I can remember anything when I need to use my knowledge for writing things. Even going through to to make sure that what I remember is the correct bit of history, I find myself going through the rabbit hole of the internet looking up stuff as if I’d never been taught it (or even taught a bastardized version of it).

The reasoning I’m looking up bits of Russian history is for research for a story that I only intend to make references to. The whole thing is intended to be a paragraph or two, not the whole basis of the story itself.

I don’t even know if most of what I’m double checking and researching is going to be in the story itself.

It’s weird doing research for a story. I’ve got some bits and peices written down for this particular story, but my story teller references various historical aspects and I need to make sure I get my facts straight.

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