The night is dark and full of terror

The line “The night is dark and full of terror” seems rather apt right now.

Reality is…well…weird right now. Eddie Izzard jokes and Voltaire’s “Hell in a Handbasket” have been popping in my head off and on throughout yesterday and this morning. If I give myself time to think about it, panic starts to bubble up and the feeling of dooooooooom rises.

Yesterday, both Twitter and Facebook were full of thoughts on the POTUS election. Jamie and I did our parts and voted–not like it matters anyway due to the Electoral College, but it does give us little people a sense of duty, satisfaction, or whatever that we did our part. On the other side, we did have our Congressman vote and our two referendums put to vote, so that does actually get done by majority instead of an elected board of officials.

I have seen notations of pain, fear, excitement. I have seen posts of calm, it will be ok, and “I am behind you.” It’s been an interesting mix.

Honestly, the whole thing terrifies me.

I pointed out to my coworker last night that it didn’t matter who won, because either majority party elect had terrifying aspects. And now we have a gentleman who…seems more like he belongs in a 3-ring circus than holding the highest office we have to offer in this country.

Politics aside, the reality we face in the upcoming years terrifies me. I fear for my life, Jamie’s life, my friends and families lives, and everyone else’s.

On the selfish side. I’m scared my marriage is going to be annulled. I’m scared for Jamie. I’m scared about the future of either of our possibilities of getting the medication we need (but mainly Jamie). I’m scared of the having the basic right to see Jamie in the hospital taken away if our marriage is annulled (and vice versa).

As a pagan woman, I’m afraid of what’s going to happen to other people when hate-filled people find out that someone isn’t a Christian. (And, being in this area, I’m afraid of hate-filled people finding out that someone isn’t their specific sect of Christian and taking it out on that person). As a pagan who loves a Jew, I am fucking terrified of what’s going to happen to him.

As a woman, I am scared for other women (all women, not just cisgender). As a person, I am scared for other women. Women should have full control over their body and shouldn’t have to worry about getting prison time for having a miscarriage.  I am terrified that “back alley clinics” will find their way back into our timeline.

I am scared for anyone who is LGBT. Jamie is a transman and I am terrified of the future for him. I am scared of the possibilities of the hate crimes escalating and things being “ok” because “they were asking for it.”  or some other nonsense. I am scared for my other trans friends, just as I am scared for my gay and lesbian friends and family.

I am afraid that so many people will have to hide who they are. I already have a couple of friends who are terrified to leave their home for fear that something bad will happen. I am afraid of even the very near future: how many people are already terrified of the holiday season? What is going to happen? As someone who works in a retail environment, it is an unnerving thought.

I would say I’m afraid for anyone who isn’t a heterosexual cisgendered white man without disabilities, but I’m afraid for them as well.

We live in a bright, beautiful, bizarre country. Technically, Jamie and I live in the South and that has it’s weird little notions already (yay for Virginia). I don’t want to see it get smacked backwards after all of the innovations we have done.

I fear we have not learned from history and we are very much doomed to repeat it. I just really hope that other countries are keeping an even closer eye on us and, if it comes down to it, will do what it takes to stop those in charge from repeating atrocities of the past.

I fear for my country. While I can say that I believe that our upcoming President is a madman, I have hopes that he is not a new Polpot, Stalin, or Hitler. I fear the possibility of interment camps, I fear the rise in hate crimes.

But fuck if anyone thinks I’m going down silently or without a fight.

On a lighter note pertaining to this:

Jamie texted me the lyrics to “Hell in a Handbasket” by Voltaire yesterday and said this should be our new anthem. It’s fitting. I also got a text a few minutes ago stating that we grew up on video games and Evil Dead, we prepared our whole lives for this. lol It’s true.

Like I said, I ain’t going down without a fight.

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