I was talking with one of my minions and she said something to the tune of “This is our life” in an awed sort of way. She said that she wanted to share this weirdness with the world.

I told her I share my life with the world. I blog about it. She shook her head, saying she didn’t want to get personal. I told her I write about work but my people are my minions, Boss is named Boss, and I work at Store.

I continued on with I wanted it basic, and this way I can’t get sued for making fun of things or showing discontentment or just basically being me and talking about Store. I told her I call it Store because that way I don’t say who exactly I work for. It’s easier that way.

She nodded, slowly getting it. I almost told her to just get a tumblr account.

Then I come home to a surprise of Tsum Tsum keychain blind packs (I got Mickie and Daisy! They’ve been added to my backpack), and this:

Jamie: I have a meat cleaver….Shit. Where did I put it?
Me: What.
Jamie: It’s a meat cleaver. A little one. I also got a bowie knife.
Me: Put the meat cleaver up. And try not to smack me in the face with it.
Jamie: A real bowie knife. It’s huge. It’s in the car.
Me: Take it out of the car.
Jamie: I also got a chainsaw. It’s in the trunk.
Jamie: I also got his bag from Korea. Fred showed me how to fold it up.
Me: That’s awesome.
Jamie: And I got a stuffed bird. Needs batteries, though.

No sleep yet, but I did just get off work (and Jamie got me fries! Yay fries!). So now I’m going to lay in bed and read until I can’t take it anymore and get up or fall asleep. I figure, if I can’t sleep, I’ll listen to the newest episode of NoSleep and freak myself out. It’ll be great!


train of thoughts, probably derailing

I’m just going to write. I need to do something. O.o

It’s 4.39 am as I start this. I’ve been awake since approximately 8 am yesterday (11/25) and I have a long shift today that I’m probably totally fucked for. Scheduling wise. Like…I have almost no minions.

I’ll stress about that later. I don’t want to think about it. I’m just hoping that my one coworker works tonight and not her new schedule.

Since I have insomnia, I finished up the Gilmore Girls 4-part mini series. And I really want to yell “Called it!” to Jamie for the end, but he feels awful and is currently snoring since he can’t breathe through one side of his nose. Poor bear. My poor fuzzy bear.

I enjoyed the mini series. I laughed, I cried, I skipped through the songs. The ending was nice, but the shock end made it seem like…open-ended. Like they could easily come back later. Seeing Rachel Ray in it was really neat.

The whole downside to this is, I’ve had to pee since 4 am and I can’t get up. Uggs is lumped up on my lap, so everything from the knee down is asleep for one leg. And I can’t leave the bedroom now: the dogs will start going nuts and Jamie will wake up and he needs his sleep.

Besides, he has to get up in like an hour anyway so he can go up to Fred’s to help him with a few things (and love on Karma of course). Hopefully no injuries occur.

I could look up hotels in Philadelphia for March, but I’ve been skimming stuff and not paying attention.

Yeah! We got tickets to go see NoSleep live in March. Jamie and I agreed that Philadelphia would be easier to navigate than DC (I hate DC. I got kicked out of one of the Smithsonian buildings in middle school for arguing with one of the…doodads. People that talk and walk. Tour guides? is that the word? I’m having a brain fart)

And, in Philadephia there’s the Mutter Museum! And Eastern State Penitentiary!

Jamie and I agreed to go total weirdo tourists for the trip. We’re dragging friends along (also happy little weirdos) so it’ll be super fun.

I could surf through because it’s such a neat concept and I’d love to say I’ve taken an MIT or Harvard class, but I don’t know if I have the attention span right now. Just looking at the main page makes me go “meh.”

I want to write. I want to do something.

I want coffee.

I want to be able to type without the fear of waking up Jamie (I am a vigorously loud typer)

I want to move my legs. But Uggs has now melted on my lap so there’s no hope for me.

Did I mention I have to wear a stupid Santa hat at work? I don’t think so.

So! We got a Box O Stuff for work a few weeks ago. It included Santa Hats and I was informed that I had to wear it. No complaints. I pointed out to Boss that I don’t want to wear it. She said she didn’t care, put it on. I told her I don’t celebrate Christmas, she repeated herself.

It’s a poorly made Santa hat that makes me look like an idiot. I safety pinned a Zero tsum tsum to it and last night I bought a blinky-light necklace to put on it, to make it more obnoxious (I’m going to put ornaments on it next. I might use a pickle. We have a glass one and a plastic one. Plastic is safest).

My blinky-light necklace doesn’t work and I have no idea wear to get the batteries for it because it takes 2 super thin ones instead of just one normal watch battery. I might still put it on anyway and see if I can find a way to make it light up despite the batteries.

Boss thinks it’s adorable that I’m decorating the hat. I think she’s weird.

We ended up going to Walmart after their Black Friday sales. Jamie and I hit up the stores to see what they had left. He got a Fitbit Flex and I got pajama pants. I don’t need any more pajama pants, but it was Olaf! And Eeyore!

But, we did find a few things for family members, so that was a plus.

I’d read, but the kindle is dead. It’s charging.

I worked on the Combo Breaker blanket a little bit. I need the tape measurer to see if I’m at 2 inches. If I am, I can change colours (greens is the theme)

Jamie broke down and signed up for Hulu. I found out that it’s just like Amazon Prime: lags like hell on the PC but works great on the tv…that we rarely use.

I bought 6 Gameboy games like two weeks ago and I have yet to play any of them. What the hell, Manders. Really? I don’t know what’s up.

I used to know things. I used to surf things and look up things. Now I watch stuff on Netflix or whatever and dick around on facebook, tumblr, and twitter. I don’t even check Fark. What the hell happened?

I keep telling myself I need to do research for a story idea, and instead I’m…scrolling through facebook and twitter.

I really have to pee.

But Jamie looks so peaceful, stretched out. At least he’s elbowing the pillow and not my head (woo)

I’d even make coffee right now. But, dogs. Jamie really doesn’t need to hear Cricket’s “I’m dying please let me out omg” bark/howl thing this early in the morning.

an update of sorts

+ I’ve been trying to get myself to write an update and I’ll start and then just stop after about 80 words and stare at the screen while listening to things.

+ Flurries appeared the night before last. Sigh. While I love winter (and the idea of staying inside or watching the dogs play in the snow–this will be Dunk’s first winter! I’m excited), I really do not love what cold weather does to me.

And because this has appeared, I have already started having physical issues doing basic things at work. I had to fight with one machine to lock it back up to the point where one of my minions cracked up watching my struggle and had to tell another minion that, for now, if we need certain things out of the stock room, I’d have to get someone to grab the boxes because I can’t do it right now.

I was really hoping I’d have at least another week or so before this would start. The downside is that this is showing me that it’s getting worse. (there’s really no reason why picking up a box should cause pain to shoot up my arm)

+ The wind is horrible. A peice of siding has peeled back again and thwacking the house. But! No fence panel has fallen, so that’s a huge relief

+ Boss can’t look at me with a straight face while I wear my Doctor Who scarf, my minions think I’m weird but find it hilarious (success!)

+ I spent time trying to convince one of my minions to check out NoSleep podcast because she was trying to stealthily take a photo of me to send via snapchat to her boyfriend. So I told her about the horror story about snapchat (season 4, episode…4 or 5). So hopefully I can get someone to start becoming an avid listener

+ Still working on the story that has decided to slowly make its way to novelette form. Sure, it’s still on the first draft, but I’ve also hit a point where I’ve completely forgotten what I was going to do, where my basic idea was heading, and now everyone’s just waiting in the wings. It’s trucking along and I’m enjoying it, I just…forgot what to do. (I have forgotten how to word)

+ I realized I have a first draft of a short story in a notebook and haven’t typed it up yet.

+ I still can’t find the first partial-draft of a short story I just labeled “Pig Dreams.” It’s probably somewhere in the Giant Tote O Notebooks. I have also lost notes for another story, they are probably also in Giant Tote.

Oh well. It’s nothing new.

+ I’m starting to work on some breif conversation snippets along with notes of what to research for a story idea I typed up as a reminder to myself on my phone. I have so much reading to do for this, and my initial intention is for it to be a short story. But, honestly, I don’t know how long it’s going to be. The research aspects are mainly so I can hit the correct historical bits that need to be hit as well as certain names that I need to make sure I spell right. The downside is: I might end up down a rabbit hole of weird shit.

+ We ended up with some chair cushions. Dunk’s crate now has a nest of fluff on top of his blankets, Cricket is slowly pulling the foam out of her cushion in large chunks. Not chewed, but just chunks so I wonder if she has realized that it tastes nasty and thinks that the next peice won’t taste as bad. Firefly wound up with the outdoor two-peice cushion and has used it as the base for her happy nest of blankets, and Bug has the last one. Bug has not destroyed her cushion so far (but she did steal a pot holder to lick to death yesterday) and seems to be using it as a pillow while her blankets are her bed. It’s adorable and hilarious.

+ Jamie grabbed me one of the Yowie things (the chocolate is gross but I love the toys). I popped it open and wound up with a bald eagle. An angry bald eagle. He’s a majestic little peice of plastic and has been sitting in front of the computer monitor for the past two days and I can’t help but laugh at it. Is it an omen? Is it a sign of things to come? Who knows. I just find the whole thing hilarious (and at least I got a new Yowie toy instead of another beaver)

The night is dark and full of terror

The line “The night is dark and full of terror” seems rather apt right now.

Reality is…well…weird right now. Eddie Izzard jokes and Voltaire’s “Hell in a Handbasket” have been popping in my head off and on throughout yesterday and this morning. If I give myself time to think about it, panic starts to bubble up and the feeling of dooooooooom rises.

Yesterday, both Twitter and Facebook were full of thoughts on the POTUS election. Jamie and I did our parts and voted–not like it matters anyway due to the Electoral College, but it does give us little people a sense of duty, satisfaction, or whatever that we did our part. On the other side, we did have our Congressman vote and our two referendums put to vote, so that does actually get done by majority instead of an elected board of officials.

I have seen notations of pain, fear, excitement. I have seen posts of calm, it will be ok, and “I am behind you.” It’s been an interesting mix.

Honestly, the whole thing terrifies me.

I pointed out to my coworker last night that it didn’t matter who won, because either majority party elect had terrifying aspects. And now we have a gentleman who…seems more like he belongs in a 3-ring circus than holding the highest office we have to offer in this country.

Politics aside, the reality we face in the upcoming years terrifies me. I fear for my life, Jamie’s life, my friends and families lives, and everyone else’s.

On the selfish side. I’m scared my marriage is going to be annulled. I’m scared for Jamie. I’m scared about the future of either of our possibilities of getting the medication we need (but mainly Jamie). I’m scared of the having the basic right to see Jamie in the hospital taken away if our marriage is annulled (and vice versa).

As a pagan woman, I’m afraid of what’s going to happen to other people when hate-filled people find out that someone isn’t a Christian. (And, being in this area, I’m afraid of hate-filled people finding out that someone isn’t their specific sect of Christian and taking it out on that person). As a pagan who loves a Jew, I am fucking terrified of what’s going to happen to him.

As a woman, I am scared for other women (all women, not just cisgender). As a person, I am scared for other women. Women should have full control over their body and shouldn’t have to worry about getting prison time for having a miscarriage.  I am terrified that “back alley clinics” will find their way back into our timeline.

I am scared for anyone who is LGBT. Jamie is a transman and I am terrified of the future for him. I am scared of the possibilities of the hate crimes escalating and things being “ok” because “they were asking for it.”  or some other nonsense. I am scared for my other trans friends, just as I am scared for my gay and lesbian friends and family.

I am afraid that so many people will have to hide who they are. I already have a couple of friends who are terrified to leave their home for fear that something bad will happen. I am afraid of even the very near future: how many people are already terrified of the holiday season? What is going to happen? As someone who works in a retail environment, it is an unnerving thought.

I would say I’m afraid for anyone who isn’t a heterosexual cisgendered white man without disabilities, but I’m afraid for them as well.

We live in a bright, beautiful, bizarre country. Technically, Jamie and I live in the South and that has it’s weird little notions already (yay for Virginia). I don’t want to see it get smacked backwards after all of the innovations we have done.

I fear we have not learned from history and we are very much doomed to repeat it. I just really hope that other countries are keeping an even closer eye on us and, if it comes down to it, will do what it takes to stop those in charge from repeating atrocities of the past.

I fear for my country. While I can say that I believe that our upcoming President is a madman, I have hopes that he is not a new Polpot, Stalin, or Hitler. I fear the possibility of interment camps, I fear the rise in hate crimes.

But fuck if anyone thinks I’m going down silently or without a fight.

On a lighter note pertaining to this:

Jamie texted me the lyrics to “Hell in a Handbasket” by Voltaire yesterday and said this should be our new anthem. It’s fitting. I also got a text a few minutes ago stating that we grew up on video games and Evil Dead, we prepared our whole lives for this. lol It’s true.

Like I said, I ain’t going down without a fight.

Complain. Contemplate.

I don’t want to do anything. I want to go back to sleep. I want to lay in bed and read scary stories and freak myself out to where I need to switch over to something comforting, like classic ghost stories and Discworld novels. I don’t want to wash the handful of dishes (pans) that are in the sink from dinner last night. I don’t want to work on laundry. I don’t want to call anyone (got some Official People [like the doctor] to call as well as a reminder to myself that I need to call Mom because I forgot to call her on Halloween)

I don’t think the antibiotics have helped, but I’ve got 4 days worth of dosage left (and tonight’s dosage). The antibiotics are massive.

I started working on the Combo Breaker blanket. The parents of the upcoming combo-breaker (little girl after 3 boys) like green, so this kid is getting a green stripey blanket. At least I have lots of different greens! (I’m thinking about doing 1-inch stripes, but I’m not sure. I’m at about 1/2-inch so I’ll have some time to decide what I want to do)

I need to get the giant ladder out of the garage to get the attic window shut and nailed back down, but I’ll have to wait for when Jamie and I have time together to do it because I am not getting on that ladder when I’m home alone.

Ok, let’s try this again. I started writing the above yesterday and just went…blegh. I want to write, I just…lack, I don’t know, everything? Ambition? Productivity? Energy?

So, I’m going to try again and see how it goes (mainly because I don’t want to hit “publish” on a post that’s just over 100 words unless it’s a story that I’ve worked on that lands around that word-count)

Let’s go!

+ I now know why Ursula Vernon gets so much mulch every year for her garden (her continually growing garden). We bought 2 bags of pine mulch (can’t have eucalyptus, can’t have dyed. pine mulch was the safest I could find at Lowes) and I used one. I was able to do a little bit around the lonely rose stem (super crazy full of thorns rose stem) off to the side of the flower bed before dumping the rest around the Where did this rose vine come from? vines/thingy and realizing that I was able to get just enough to go around the rose…vine thingy and the immediate surrounding flower bed area.

I need more mulch.

+ I continue to hate the people who drive through our neighborhood. I have found a newspaper, many crushed cans (what the fuck), coffee tops, and various debris in the front yard and the little ditch in front of it. Thankfully it’s not as bad as it has been before, but I’ll still continue to hate people who drop their trash when they’re done with their food in my yard. I curse whomever it is with a nagging feeling of having forgotten something very important.

+ Carrot managed to get into the basement the other night and…found his way outside (through the window we really should board up because it is November and we’re getting really close to February, which means ice. nothing but ice and cold). Jamie lured him back with cat treats. He definitely does not live up to his name of Carrot Ironfoundersson.

+ I successfully weirded out the new neighbors with my yearly burying-apples-on-Halloween thing, and they in turn successfully weirded me out. They have an inflatable turkey in their yard now. I fear this is a precursor to Christmas and I get the feeling of dread that it will be a Griswald Christmas.

I told a coworker about it and she immediately said “I bet you’ll wake up one day and there will be a giant white bunny in their yard in time for Easter.”

I hope not.

+ My boss is freaking out because it’s the holiday season and those who were supposed to learn New Way to Do Thing did not learn, so we failed and were not “certified” (it’s ridiculous. we failed because the people who were asked don’t know how to do a basic inventory check and the Almighty Binder of Information tells upper management how to put people into the system so they can do New Thing and doesn’t tell anyone how to do New Thing.)

New Thing, which is just an “improved” way of recieving customer orders, is a pain. I’ve asked the store manager why can’t I do it the old way because then it’s in the system and I don’t have to fight the fucking thing for 20 minutes while my department blows up with customers. She had no response (I just asked her why can’t I do it the old way and left the rest in my head. there were customers around). New Thing is a pain, the training has nothing to do with us and is clearly only meant for another part of the company, and we’re just going to have to wing it. I also ruined a whole bunch of labels because apparently they printed out while I was trying to figure out how to do New Thing.

The whole process is a mess.

+ I looked at one of my coworkers yesterday, and said: “I smell dead people.”

She asked me what the smell was, didn’t react to my words, just wanted to know what I was smelling. I described it as: “y’know, it’s like how your grandparents or great-grandparents house smells. Kinda musty, kinda dead floral, and something you’re not quite sure of.” She nodded, completely understanding, and smelled her jacket while I smelled mine. It wasn’t either of us and the scent went away.

There weren’t any customers around me at the time when the smell wafted up to me as far as I know, so the only things I can think of are: A) We’re still in that thin veil area so it could be a dead person walking by and I just picked it up, or 2) I am having an olfactory hallucination.

It is something that makes me sad. I can’t go to haunted houses or anything. I can’t go “Maybe it was a ghost!” because it’s probably just a hallucination. Yay for my messed up brain.

+ I have learned at work that apparently talking to things, even when I talk low, is still considered weird. Apparently I talk to things way more than everyone else and it’s weirding people out. Awesome.

+ We bought a new tire for the wheelbarrow and Jamie couldn’t get the metal doodad for the middle of it out of the old tire. WD-40 and a rubber mallet got that shit out (two weeks later because I am a lazy bastard and good ideas don’t always immediately show up). Now if I could find the nuts to screw the wheel back on, we’ll be good to go and I won’t have to carry the other bag of mulch to the front yard.

+ I decided to go fuck it and started working on a scene that I’ve been mulling over for a story I haven’t thought about besides a super basic idea. It’s formulating nicely and I like the little old lady I’ve created and…I feel awful that she’s going to die. It’s kind of strange, especially because she’s not based on any grandmothers I’ve known (she’s based around different characteristics of people I’ve watched on television).

Her cat, however, is going to be loosely based on the neighborhood cat that Jamie has decided is Going To Be Ours (because it’s getting cold, he’s gone for longer stretches of time, he looks skinny, and he’s so sweet). It’s an adorable orange tomcat.

It’s the first day of NaNosomethingsomething

It’s the time of year where people who do NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) begin their annual freakout and obsessively write thousands of words a day in order to get a novel-length wordcount. I find the concept fascinating.

The idea of working on a novel-length story in the course of a month is intriguing. I see it and wonder how people do it. 30 days and at least 50,000 words. That’s 1,666.6(repeating) words a day (minimum). While I’m sure that just under 1,700 words a day isn’t that hard for writers with pre-set daily limits in order to get their work done on time for deadlines (people like Scalzi, Ursula Vernon, etc), I am…not one of those people.

I’m currently having a hard time working on story ideas in general. I’ve got a notebook or two where I’ve been trying to make notes of different ideas that are in various other notebooks. I haven’t touched the weird MIB-centric story, which is slowly making its way to novelette-length (how? I don’t know) for a couple of weeks (two weeks? I don’t know. I work retail as a day job and I am terrible at remembering what day it is).

If I stop to think of the different projects that I want to do, have written down to do, etc, I’d probably get overwhelmed. Stories, comic ideas, knitting/crochet plans, dog costume ideas. My lists keep growing.

On a lighter note.

+ Firefly’s birthday is tomorrow, so I bought some extra peanut butter to make peanut butter cakes for the dogs.

+ I have successfully weirded out the new neighbors last night by doing my yearly Halloween thing: burying apples.

+ I weighed Snooch. He’s still 28 lbs. omg

+ Instead of listening to the Season 8 pass member Halloween special (of NoSleep), I am listening to Let’s Pretend this Never Happened because it’s hilarious and it’s been a while since I read the book. I also found out that I can’t download any audible book on my phone due to lack of space…for some reason. I don’t know.