Trying to find ambition

Apparently I have to search through all this feel-good, self help, mumbo-jumbo in order to find, hunt, catch, and attain/keep ambition. I lack ambition. I have this feeling that ambition is a small creature who is currently hiding behind a bush, or under the bed.

I found this one list of “How to Build Ambition.” O.o let’s see what it says…

1. Make a list of goals you want to achieve in the next week, month and year

Now to find goals. Jamie and I are discussing different things. For instance: I want to write more, I want to work on my fiction–something that has been seriously lacking for a while. How will I do this? He mentioned: for the month of May, do 200 words a week. June, 300 words a week. The goal is by the end of 2013 to have a short story written, polished, and submitted to an anthology. Gotta start somewhere, right?

And: self employment. I really don’t want to wake up one day and realize that I am still slaving away for “The Man” after XX amount of years. Good goal is to figure out how I will be able to financially support myself, on my own (still paying taxes because gods know I don’t want to fall down that trap), and be self-sufficient monetarily within 5 or so years.

2. Believe in yourself

snerk. This is some funny shit. I believe in myself. I have confidence. And, I can freely admit when my confidence goes in a negative way (i. e. “I am confident I will fuck this up.” or “I am confident ____ will happen.”)

In a nutshell: power of positive thinking, yo.

3. Choose a role model or someone you can look up to, someone who is highly ambitious.

Hmmm… let’s see:
Wil Wheaton
Jenny Lawson
Ursula Vernon
Neil Gaiman
Sir Pterry
William “Bill” Janney (seen happily through rose-tinted glasses)
Guillermo del Toro
Nathan Fillion

Should I add more?
There’s always someone to look up to. I’d rather continue looking up to people, being the student instead of the sage because there’s always something more to learn.
(this is where I stopped so I could copy some stuff down and post here because I’m a dork)

4. Focus on your success and accomplishments, even if you don’t achieve your goal the first time around.

Success: I have made a Slenderman! I am making another one. I have successfully made a Doctor Who scarf. Not once, but SIX Times! How awesome is that!
Little successes: I woke up, I have a job and went to that job today. Far as I know I am healthy, far as I know I’m alive. Good things.
Random accomplishments: I have tried a Cabernet sauvingion that was pretty darn tasty and discussed Malbec wine that I may try in a couple weeks.

5. Develop a mantra or saying to use when you start to feel your ambition slipping

I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can

Does that count? lol
What the hell kind of thing is this? So the best thing to do is to remind myself that I am a leaf on the wind and watch how I soar? Is it more like “Dude, I’ve only got ___random number___ of rows left before I’m done!” or reminding myself that “I can do this!” or “Almost done/Almost there”?
So, all in all: do what I’m doing but be more proactive about it?
(and now my formatting’s all weird. screw it, it’s late [for me], and I want snuggles gorrammit)

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