Modified Zombie Apocalypse Training

(I pointed out that, if anything, I’m more fascinated by zombie apocalypse training than serious hardcore training like Jamie. So, of course, when I got my training info, it was labeled “zombie apocalypse training”) Feel free to ignore this post, I’m mainly blathering about my Day One/Lower Body training.

Jamie convinced me to talk with his trainer about some stuff. His trainer, who is super awesome, agreed to do some stuff and sent me a nice little meal-plan and small training schedule. Apparently I cracked him up with my answers to his initial questions to help give him an idea on how to go about with the diet and training. He apparently told Jamie he wasn’t expecting me to be all nerdy and threatened to “talk nerdy” to me, which cracked me up.

The diet started this past Sunday (05/06) and so far I’ve noticed that scarfing down Meal 1 gets harder and harder the more I eat it (maybe it’s the oatmeal trying to kill me), but I’m working through it. I’m allowed diet soda or things like Coke Zero, which is wonderful because it contains more caffeine and doesn’t have the overly-sweet chemical taste. But, Jamie found that Crystal Light (which I am allowed to have) has a couple caffinated options, and that’s been helping a lot.

Yes, if there is anything I am addicted to, it’s caffiene.

Anywho. I get two days of training (and three days for cardio, which isn’t a problem). Today was the first day and I had to get Cris (Jamie’s trainer) to show me the proper ways to do deadlifts and squats.

It’s been years since I’ve done squats, and even then they weren’t “real” squats, they were this…thing called “box squats” (which basically meant you sat on a carpeted box and only did half of the work). This was because the “coach” for the weight training class in high school firmly believed that girls couldn’t do actual squats (this guy also screamed at me for “faking it” when the leg press tried to crush me and refused to help me push it back up, and I dropped the class as soon as I could because of it)

Cris realized that I have crap balance for a 45 lbs bar to do proper squats, so he pointed out I could do the assisted bar thingy (yes, it does have a proper name, I’m just too lazy to search for it) and showed me how the best way to do squats were with it. Then he showed me the best way to do deadlifts and Jamie pointed out that I do better deadlifts than he does. (I think it’s because I was using a 40 lbs bar [then a 30 lbs bar] instead of a 45 lbs bar with weights on it).

Then I pointed out I don’t have the upper body strength to keep myself held up for hanging leg raises and he said I could use the modified version for now and work my way up. It’s this weird little thing where it’s got one of those balance half-balls at your back and you’re holding yourself up by your elbows/lower arms.

Then, I got to work on my List of Things.

I learned that I can’t go all the way down for squats just yet. I can get about halfway there (Jamie pointed out that I was starting to go lower and lower). It’s a starting point so that’s a plus. (then again, I am one of those people who wants to get it right/perfect the first try)

I crapped out on Deadlifts. Not meeting the goal for reps 2 and 3 and completely giving up and not doing rep 4 (nyrr).

Leg press wasn’t as bad as I remembered it, but this time I just used the weight of the press itself with no added weights (which is what probably got me during high school) and Jamie stayed beside it just in case I needed help.

Walking lunges made me feel goofy and a guy near us kept stopping his workout to stare at what I was doing. My balance is kinda wonky for walking lunges.

Hanging leg raises weren’t as bad because I got to use my upper arms/elbows to hold my skinny ass up instead of actually hanging there. While we were there, we got to watch some trainer try to train some guy on the Prowler (this fucking weird metal thing that looks like half a weight bench on sled strips). The guy ran with it, holding the large poles like you’re supposed to, and instead of leaning over and pushing it with the little railings on the other side, he turned it around and pushed it with the two large poles. The “trainer” told him that’s what he was supposed to do.

I’ve heard Jamie talk about this and he’s shown me videos of people using prowlers, and that is not how you’re supposed to use them. I think the guy being paid to be a trainer was just fucking with the guy, but who knows?

I should be sore tomorrow and Thursday I get my Day Two/Upper Body training so that should be interesting.

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